The Letter
by Art-Over-Matter
Summary: Anthony finally decides to tell Ian how he really feels about him...is Ian going to reject him? Ianthony fluff.


"Ian, there's something I need to, uh, give you."

"Okay," Ian said, looking a little confused. "Christmas was yesterday, you know."

"Yeah," Anthony said with a nervous laugh. "I was gonna give it to you yesterday, but I felt like…I just wanted to wait."

"Yeah?"

"I'll go get it. You close your eyes."

Ian frowned but did so. "Is it big?"

"That's what she said," Anthony said as he went to retrieve Ian's gift. He couldn't help but feel like maybe it was more a gift to himself than to Ian.

He heard Ian chuckle, then say, "I feel like I'm five years old or something."

Anthony came back into the room with a red envelope in his hand. He was starting to get really nervous now.

Ian opened his eyes a bit to peer at Anthony. "Can I open—"

"No," Anthony said. Once Ian had his eyes closed again, Anthony stepped up to him, only the space of a few inches separating their faces. Then he leaned forward and kissed Ian on the lips while slipping the envelope into his hand. He felt Ian try to pull away at first, and Anthony was too scared to open his eyes to see if Ian's were closed or not. Anthony didn't draw out the kiss, especially when Ian didn't kiss him back. He stepped away and looked down at the ground, his cheeks burning.

"Anthony, I…" Ian tried to say, but he couldn't finish. "I don't think…." He drifted off again as he raised the envelope in his hand.

Anthony didn't look at him as he opened it.

_Ian, I don't know how to say this to you in person, so I'm writing it down instead, _the letter began. Ian's heart was beating fast in anticipation of what the next words could be.

_Most of my life I've been denying that I'm not only attracted to girls, but having you around has made that really hard. I've started seeing you differently the past couple of years and I'm finally actually accepting the truth. I'm in love with you, Ian. That's possibly the most awkward thing I've ever put on paper, because I never thought I would fall in love with my best friend. But it's true and I thought you deserved to know. I really have no idea if you feel the same about me, because you're really fucking hard to read sometimes, but I hope you do because otherwise I probably just grossed the hell out of you. If that's the case, then I'm sorry I kissed you, but I'm not sorry that I'm having you read this. I've had these feelings cooped up inside me for a long time and I have to finally get them off my chest. If you don't return the way I feel about you, or if you do, please tell me. I can't go any longer without knowing._

_I love you, Ian Hecox._

Ian was speechless. He stared at the letter for at least one minute before saying quietly, "I never knew…." He looked up at Anthony, who was finally looking at him. Ian could see the pleading hope in Anthony's cinnamon-hazel eyes and had no idea what to say to him. "I don't know if…if I feel…."

"If you don't feel the same, that's fine. I just wanted to know. It's fine. In fact, maybe it's better this way. This is easier for everyone."

"No, Anthony, it's just that I—"

"Ian, it's okay. I get it. I just needed to let you know. I'm, uh…I'm sorry for kissing you. I'll see you later." He gave Ian a desperate smile and started to leave the house.

"Wait, Anthony." Anthony turned back in the doorway, blushing. The cold air from outside snaked inside to try to chill Ian's uncovered arms. "I need to think about this, okay? I'm not…I'm not…I'm just not sure about anything right now."

"Yeah. That's okay. I'll come back—I'll come back tomorrow."

Ian nodded and Anthony left in a heartbeat. Ian listened to his friend's car start up and drive down the road. He looked down at the paper still in his hands.

"I think I love you too, Anthony," he murmured to himself. "But I really don't know."

Anthony was feeling a lot of different emotions all smashed into one: disappointment, aggravation, embarrassment, worry…. He didn't even know what to do about it.

_What if Ian really is just straight? _He'd considered it before, of course—it had been on his mind for countless cumulative hours before he fell asleep at night—but when he had psyched himself up that morning to giving Ian the letter, he'd almost convinced himself that Ian _must _have returned the feelings.

But now it seemed like he didn't. If Ian really did love Anthony, he would have just said so, or so Anthony figured. At least to save Anthony from feeling the way he did now. If he didn't…he would probably do exactly what he did. Ian was nice enough and their friendship was strong enough that Ian wasn't likely to act disgusted that Anthony kissed him. He just wouldn't know what to say, then bring it up again later to admit that he didn't feel that way.

Anthony's car was at a stop as its driver waited for a red light. Anthony put his forehead down on the top of the steering wheel and closed his eyes. If he just fucked up his friendship with Ian, he would never forgive himself. Would Ian ever think of him the same way again after he kissed him?

A car honked behind him when the light turned green and Anthony didn't go. He looked up and started driving again. Now that Ian was living in Los Angeles, Anthony could drive between Ian's apartment and his own, which was where he was headed now. Maybe being back in his apartment with Pip and his Nintendo 3DS would help him forget about all that had happened that night.

Ian paced around for several minutes the next morning before picking his phone up and calling Anthony.

"Hey man."

"What's up?" Anthony said. He sounded pretty normal to Ian. That was a good sign.

"Your ass out of bed yet? If it is, why don't you come over?"

"Yeah, I'm up. Partially."

"What the fuck does 'partially up' mean?" Ian said with a chuckle.

"Well, I'm awake. I haven't exactly showered or anything."

"Okay. Well once you smell nice again, come over. I've got stuff I want to talk about." _Did I really just say I think he smells nice?_

"Alright," Anthony said, sounding slightly nervous.

_He does smell kinda nice sometimes. _They hung up and Ian waited anxiously for Anthony's arrival. He was actually kind of exhausted, because he'd spent a lot of last night trying to figure out what he was going to say and do. He'd also read Anthony's letter a few hundred times.

That letter.

The letter that was possibly going to change his life. It sounded dramatic, but Ian really did believe it could.

That, and the kiss. The kiss might have said more than the words on the page.

"_I'm in love with you, Ian."_

Though that kind of said a lot.

Ian hadn't returned the kiss when it happened for about two reasons.

First, he was extremely surprised. Even when Anthony hadn't been acting normal, Ian had never expected it to be something like this. Second, he hadn't even been _sure _of his feelings. He'd had urges to hold Anthony's hand before, and even to kiss him, but he'd always just thrown that away as a sign that he was tired, drunk, or really distracted. Sometimes it was hard for Ian to embrace his emotions.

When Anthony knocked on Ian's door and let himself in—they'd never had a rule about waiting for the door to be answered—Ian's heart almost skipped a beat. Now that he'd accepted the fact that he actually loved Anthony Padilla, he could feel the emotions he'd previously locked away.

Anthony hadn't done anything special with himself, but nonetheless he looked pretty amazing. His dark chocolate brown hair was swept to the side and even stuck up slightly at the top. He was wearing a very typical Anthony outfit consisting of a heather gray t-shirt under a black button-up, a pair of skinny jeans—naturally—and his necklace with the nail pendant on it.

"Hey Ian," Anthony said with a bit of a smile.

"Hi," Ian said, not thinking for a moment. Then he shook his head and said, "So, I, uh. I thought about your letter."

"Yeah," Anthony stated as he sat down, staring at his lap. He seemed to be preparing himself for the worst.

"I feel kinda bad you've gone…" He gave a quick exhale as he thought about it, "a couple years with this weighing on your mind. But you're in luck, because I've sorted myself out and I'm realizing that…I love you too." He said it so casually it seemed to take a moment to register in Anthony's brain.

"Wait—really?" he said, looking up.

Ian nodded. "Yeah. I think I've been feeling it for a while now. I'm just actually starting to accept it."

"Really?"

"Yep. You can stop asking that now."

Anthony stood up and started to go in for a hug, then hesitated. "Is it okay…."

"Of course it's okay if you hug me. I mean, you did—" he cut himself off as Anthony embraced him. He enjoyed the sensation of Anthony's arms around him for a moment before he said, "In fact, it's even okay if you kiss me."

So Anthony did. He put one arm around Ian's back and the other on the side of his neck, as Ian wrapped his arms around Anthony's waist. Despite all their years of just being best friends, it didn't feel awkward. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.

When they parted, Ian looked up at Anthony's happy, contented expression and smiled. He was still holding Anthony as he said, "I'm sure glad you decided to give me that letter."

"Me too, Ian," Anthony murmured. "Me too." ●


End file.
